Things I Didn't Know I Loved*

* If you are a dreamer, come in.
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer...
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in! Come in!

(Shel Silverstein)

August 28, 2006

 

Small Packages



"Good things come in small packages." - Japanese man


Yes, so I'm small. It's the first thing people comment on when they meet me/when they later describe me to the police artist. That, and lots of hair (on my head). I get: petite, tiny, little woman, wee (conveniently, also a play on my name) - I've even gotten 'teensy.' My friend La Boop, of forsooth fame – who, although a pain in the ass, is even funnier in person (which is why I keep her around) – is credited with the funniest description of me I've ever heard. It was a few years ago, and I was wondering out loud whether to get my hair cut. Her response: "Well, I love your hair, but sometimes it looks like you're growing on it."

As for the usual barrage of Cairo comments and catcalls, rather than fruity comparisons, mine always tend towards the 'soghayyar bass 7elw/bass zayy el 3asal' variety. I wonder what gives away my honey-sweetness? Is it the enraged flare of my nostrils, the murder in my eyes? E7taris man ektaraba min al ard*, asshole!

Small people are angry people. To wit:

Alexander the Great
Napoleon
Hitler
Mussolini
Stalin
Marquis de Sade
Sartre
Woody Allen



There are many great things about being small, though:

1. You don't have the advantage of periscope vision when in the middle of large crowds of spectators (think concerts, car accidents, etc.) but you can usually - with the God-given gift of elbows - wriggle your way to the front of anything.

2. You don't take up much space: my ability to curl up comfortably on a single (cheap) seat on a plane, bus or train is a frequent source of amusement - I mean, AWE - to sundry travelling companions.

3. You never have to factor in height when choosing men.
(i.e. I like tall men, but taller women always bitch me out when I mention this so I keep my preferences quiet.)


I'm five foot one. Here is a children's poem by the weird and wonderful Shel Silverstein. It reminds me that there are others in five feet dire-r straits than myself.


One Inch Tall

If you were only one inch tall, you'd ride a worm to school.
The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool.
A crumb of cake would be a feast

And last you seven days at least,
A flea would be a frightening beast
If you were one inch tall.

If you were only one inch tall, you'd walk beneath the door,
And it would take about a month to get down to the store.
A bit of fluff would be your bed,
You'd swing upon a spider's thread,
And wear a thimble on your head
If you were one inch tall.

You'd surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.
You couldn't hug your mama, you'd just have to hug her thumb.
You'd run from people's feet in fright,
To move a pen would take all night,
(This poem took fourteen years to write
--'Cause I'm just one inch tall).

Shel Silverstein



*Arabic proverb, roughly translated: "Beware those close to the ground."


Comments:
I like small petite women : they're easier to flip over in bed ... specially for a man of my soaring height !

And i don't think Forsooth is funnier in person .
She's got a good subtle sense of humour tho .. which is very amusing and entertaining .
But then again she's YOUR firend ...

And i just love the poem !
 
"I like small petite women : they're easier to flip over in bed ... specially for a man of my soaring height !"

howa feeh eih, everywhere I go on the blogsphere these days it is either Basil's porn or comments like this..ya dee el neela :)
 
Summer is the mating season ...
 
no it's fine that you like tall men, but ANYONE would qualify as tall in your case. Fa yeah, don't you dare complain!
 
That proverb refers to a quasi-literal supposition that those closer to the ground are actually closer to the devil.

Now, you must excuse me. There's another proverb that says "Itha 7adarat al shayateen, thahabat al mala2eka".
 
And that poem? It sounds like a frankenstein bedtime story for Lilliputs...shudder...just imagine what would happen if I took away 300 mil from that inch...
 
Your hair adds a good bit of height to your stature ya wee. So is it 5'1 WITH or WITHOUT the hair?
 
Max,

subtle???!

Twosret,

we will henceforth impose strict G topic guidelines!

DNA,

I did not know that...aren't we full of interesting tidbits. What a wonderful new way to ward off superstitious unwanted suitors. But isn't the whole concept of the 'underworld' - hell being 'below' - a non-muslim one?

Haricots Verts,

Hmm not sure babe...why don't you measure yours and tell me?
 
If it is, then I didn't know that. I doubt it though, at least I know for sure that heaven is most definitely "up" or else Muhammed wouldn't have flown to it on a horse.
 
he just didn't provide the right sort of foil or whatever to my humour, if that's the word.
 
FYI, it's definitely less than 2 inches... though the exact amount depends on the time of day.

Bas masha2allah, my hair doesn't compare to yours.
 
I'm 5'10" and I hear the same shit in the streets of Cairo; "Taweel, bas 3asal". Egyptians are very original, aren't they?!
 
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